Sunday, December 20, 2009

Faith Restored

I don't know what happened to me overnight, but I have felt a complete change in my demeanor over the past 12 hours or so.

During the night I had a very horrifying dream, which I won't share. The gist of it was NOT a good outcome, but in spite of it I woke up feeling hopeful and full of confidence that everything is going to be okay.

I have full confidence in an alternate possibility that is going on.... one that I had thought of before but never believed was truly possible until this morning which I am assuming is from prayers of my friends and family.... God has really given me peace about this idea...

*warning....sensitive "girl" stuff ahead*

Here is the thought: I have very irregular cycles. Even though I might have the "same day" two months in a row, it might be a totally different day even a week later the next month. I was anticipating that I might be pregnant this month, so I had ordered a bulk lot of tests through Amazon. (Corey has said that he won't ever do that again!)
So....I started taking them about 7-10 days before I was due. That is the time when they "can" work. didn't start showing a faint positive until about 2 days before I was due. When I say faint, I mean FAINT FAINT FAINT showing up way after the time limit. The first day I got a REAL positive was the day I thought I was due.....
SO...IF my cycle was going to change that could have been that I was still 10 days or 7 days away from my "due" date. Therefore.....the numbers that showed up on that blood test would be right in line with being only 2-3 weeks pregnant, which is what I may be if had a later cycle all around. It was also explain more of the breakthrough bleeding problems I have had since a lot of people have that, especially when their period is due the first month.
Also...on our trip I had some very distinct "PMS" symptoms that I have been very regularly having the week BEFORE my period but not during! They are gone this week. Because I had found out I was pregnant, I chalked them up to being pregnant, then was devastated when they were gone this week!

The only thing that doesn't make quite as much sense is the fact that the ultrasound showed up a normal thing for 5 weeks. Not sure about that.... but nothing is normal.....

Here's the thing: If I wasn't looking for a positive pregnancy test until THIS week, then I would have just taken one, and been expecting what is going on with me otherwise and would be none the wiser about anything going on right now.

I am holding on to this right now. We only have to wait until tomorrow to get another clue as to what might be going on, so please keep praying for us. I am needing it and feeling it!

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