Friday, August 13, 2010

Then Sings My Soul

This week would have been the due date for our first miscarried baby. August 18, 2010. This is my song for the week. Though I faced unspeakable loss and sadness, He came to my rescue and brought me to where He was. It was worth it all and always will be.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

My Thirties

I think in the back of my mind, or way down in the bottom of my heart really...I've been holding onto the fact that we would have another baby before I turned 30.

And... that would have had to happen this past month....July.

And.... it didn't.

So today has been a difficult day for me. I had been so happy the past weeks. So healthy... feeling great. I couldn't even make myself be sad about the babies that never were meant to be. And I told myself I was "over it."

Yet, I live to learn another lesson. I didn't want to think I was still holding on to that "30" mark. I guess I was, and it seems God still has more for me to learn.

In about a week and a half we are going on a family trip to Chicago. I gave Corey tickets to the Braves (our local team) vs. the Cubs for his 30th birthday. It was going to be a trip for just the two of us, during the week our first miscarried baby was due. We decided a while back to take the kids too and Corey would take Noah to the game instead (a wise choice! :), and I am truly looking forward to it.

I have tried to look on the positive side of things today. I did EARNEST...that God would not allow me to get pregnant again if it wasn't going to be a healthy pregnancy... that He would please spare me the roller coaster and physical toll. I am very grateful for that. I truly and really and honestly and am thankful for that.

And, He has strengthened my own faith in the fact that we gave it 100% and totally to Him... and He is faithful.

And so time goes on. April 28th, 2011, my 30th birthday...will pass with no baby in my arms. But I'll survive. If I know anything from all this..I DO know that!