Early this morning, a friend from church gave birth to twins. She had carried them for a little over 37 weeks, after a couple of months of bed rest around the 20th week or so.
She went in at 2am, delivered at 3:45am, completely natural. A boy and a girl, weighing 6lbs and 7 lbs.
I was so happy for her! That is really a blessing, to deliver healthy twins so far along with such high birth weights, and to do it all quickly and naturally!
Then.... sadness set in. Not because I would ever take away her experience or begrudge her or wish that it would have been harder. NOT AT ALL! She is a sweet and wonderful mother and I am thrilled for her that she had such an awesome birth experience.
I am sad because it is exactly the birth I want. I want it for myself. I want to get to the hospital "ready to push" and naturally and joyfully deliver a baby bundle of joy.
I know that I am blessed in that I have already been given two wonderful, sweet, loving, and beautiful children. I know that to ask for another is already to have above and beyond what many women get to experience. But.... it is what I had planned before. What we had prayed about and given to God to happen at the right time. Before the miscarriage...before we even found out. I am learning to not trust in my plans, but I am only human. I am trying.
I just can't help but be a little sad. It is bittersweet. My joy for her is bittersweet because I might have had that, if God's plan had not been otherwise. I pray and trust that maybe it will be in store for me yet. In His timing. I do hope and pray that it will!