Happiness, Sadness and Longing

Early this morning, a friend from church gave birth to twins. She had carried them for a little over 37 weeks, after a couple of months of bed rest around the 20th week or so.

She went in at 2am, delivered at 3:45am, completely natural. A boy and a girl, weighing 6lbs and 7 lbs.

I was so happy for her! That is really a blessing, to deliver healthy twins so far along with such high birth weights, and to do it all quickly and naturally!

Then.... sadness set in. Not because I would ever take away her experience or begrudge her or wish that it would have been harder. NOT AT ALL! She is a sweet and wonderful mother and I am thrilled for her that she had such an awesome birth experience.

I am sad because it is exactly the birth I want. I want it for myself. I want to get to the hospital "ready to push" and naturally and joyfully deliver a baby bundle of joy.

I know that I am blessed in that I have already been given two wonderful, sweet, loving, and beautiful children. I know that to ask for another is already to have above and beyond what many women get to experience. But.... it is what I had planned before. What we had prayed about and given to God to happen at the right time. Before the miscarriage...before we even found out. I am learning to not trust in my plans, but I am only human. I am trying.

I just can't help but be a little sad. It is bittersweet. My joy for her is bittersweet because I might have had that, if God's plan had not been otherwise. I pray and trust that maybe it will be in store for me yet. In His timing. I do hope and pray that it will!

The End of a Pregnancy

The numbers are in, and my Hcg levels are officially below "pregnant" level. Meaning: I do not have to have any further treatment, such a dilatation & curettage (D and C). Everything has taken care of itself and I am back to normal.

Also...I emailed the doctor that I really liked to ask her opinion of the hospital being an hour away. (for the possibility of future pregnancy) Honestly, the other day, after I posted about that news, I really didn't worry about it. The more I thought about it the more I felt that it wasn't that big of a deal, but I wanted to get her opinion, as a doctor. I feel that doctors are usually even more cautious than patients are about stuff like that because they don't want anything "bad" on their records.

So, anyway, I emailed her and asked her opinion. She responded that "we have many patients in outlying areas and an hour isn't that unreasonable of a time period unless you have a history of fast labors." She also said that when it was safe they could make inducement plans to accommodate.

Well...I don't have a history of labor at all actually! I was induced both times! Granted...with Noah after I was induced I only took 4 hours, but that is with inducement drugs, which totally change everything. And, there is always the possibility of it being totally different and being super fast, but if that happened, even a 20 minute drive to the hospital wouldn't be better.

What I am trying to say I guess..is...I don't think it will be a big deal to have an hour drive to the hospital. If I am in natural labor (which would be my goal this time) it will most likely take a while.... and I am okay with that.

Two Things:

1. I was supposed to go to the doctor yesterday to give more blood. With the weather being all weird, it didn't happen. Not today either. Hopefully I can go Monday and get that done.

2. I found out that none of the Kaiser OBs serve patients through Kennestone Hospital!!!! I was asking about the really nice lady doctor I saw at Cobb to see if she served at Kennestone and she told me that Kaiser only uses Northside and Piedmont Hospital. I thought maybe she misunderstood and just answered for her office so I emailed another doctor at the Townparke office. They informed me of the news. Some of them serve at Emory East but the rest only use Northside and Piedmont. What a shocker that would have been! Kennestone is listed on their website as a participating hospital but none of the doctors use it for maternity care. What is up with that? It is 5 minutes from their Townparke office?!?!?!?!
Northside is 58 minutes from us according to Mapquest!
This just opens up a whole other set of stuff!!!!

Last Blood Results

I went to the doctor on Thursday and did another blood draw. My number was 7! Almost back to normal and "non-pregnant" status (which is less than 2).

I guess I may have to go in one more day next week just so they can see it back to "nothing." I will call Monday and see......

I am feeling much better but still getting tired very quickly, though I think that may be partially due to the fact that I have been eating crazy holiday junk food, eating out a lot, not taking my vitamins (bc I couldn't take the prenatals with the methotrexate and that's all I had) and not exercising....

We'll see how it goes next week.