Tuesday, November 24, 2009

To Tell or Not To Tell

When we first discussed adding on to the family, we did some serious thought about whether or not to tell people as soon as we find out. With our other babies we told everyone right away, but there were no other older children to consider.

I was thinking back about how Katie, especially, takes bad news. She doesn't do well. She cries over classmates from her 3 year old pre-k that she doesn't get to see anymore. She cries about missing toys that she gives to charity. Months, sometimes years later!

I had thought about how something bad happening when we were expecting baby would affect her. I could imagine her tears and sadness about it for weeks, months, years...a lifetime. She gets so attached so quickly to people and places and toys and events....

We decided (well,..I was the one who insisted...not so much Corey) that it would be best to wait to share the news of a pregnancy with the kids until the more risky period had passed. Which..would also mean waiting to tell anyone until that time as well. Because who can keep from talking about a secret like that?!

Then I went to a park day with some friends. One of my friends is expecting now and we always talk about pregnancy, etc... I brought up this subject...about when they shared the news and if they were nervous about if something were to happen. Another friend shared her story.

She had a miscarriage a few years ago and she shared how her children had handled it. She shared that they had kept some of the toys that had been given to them for the baby and how her children talk about their brother or sister in heaven. She said that they had been okay and that it really helped for it to be something they can all talk about.

That changed my mind. I know that Katie would be devastated. I know that she would be sad. We all would. But I got to thinking about how...if we didn't tell anyone...and something did happen..then we would be all alone. It would be something we would have to share after the fact because we couldn't very well never talk about it in front of them like some huge family secret. Then we would be faced with "what do we say, what do we do" and for them to maybe find out later and etc. and it just seems so much better to think of it how my friend did. That they all helped each other and still remember the

I guess it seems kind of weird to be thinking about this so heavily but I am not superstitious about it. It is something that we just had to think about just like we think about any decision that involves our children.
But I am feeling at peace now with sharing our good news if and whenever the time comes. Katie will be thrilled. We will all be thrilled. IF it happens that is. I am still very aware of the possibility that it might not happen.

I just wanted to share this because it has been a little part of this journey and as I wrote before I want to share and remember each and every step.

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