To Tell or Not To Tell

When we first discussed adding on to the family, we did some serious thought about whether or not to tell people as soon as we find out. With our other babies we told everyone right away, but there were no other older children to consider.

I was thinking back about how Katie, especially, takes bad news. She doesn't do well. She cries over classmates from her 3 year old pre-k that she doesn't get to see anymore. She cries about missing toys that she gives to charity. Months, sometimes years later!

I had thought about how something bad happening when we were expecting baby would affect her. I could imagine her tears and sadness about it for weeks, months, years...a lifetime. She gets so attached so quickly to people and places and toys and events....

We decided (well,..I was the one who insisted...not so much Corey) that it would be best to wait to share the news of a pregnancy with the kids until the more risky period had passed. Which..would also mean waiting to tell anyone until that time as well. Because who can keep from talking about a secret like that?!

Then I went to a park day with some friends. One of my friends is expecting now and we always talk about pregnancy, etc... I brought up this subject...about when they shared the news and if they were nervous about if something were to happen. Another friend shared her story.

She had a miscarriage a few years ago and she shared how her children had handled it. She shared that they had kept some of the toys that had been given to them for the baby and how her children talk about their brother or sister in heaven. She said that they had been okay and that it really helped for it to be something they can all talk about.

That changed my mind. I know that Katie would be devastated. I know that she would be sad. We all would. But I got to thinking about how...if we didn't tell anyone...and something did happen..then we would be all alone. It would be something we would have to share after the fact because we couldn't very well never talk about it in front of them like some huge family secret. Then we would be faced with "what do we say, what do we do" and for them to maybe find out later and etc. and it just seems so much better to think of it how my friend did. That they all helped each other and still remember the

I guess it seems kind of weird to be thinking about this so heavily but I am not superstitious about it. It is something that we just had to think about just like we think about any decision that involves our children.
But I am feeling at peace now with sharing our good news if and whenever the time comes. Katie will be thrilled. We will all be thrilled. IF it happens that is. I am still very aware of the possibility that it might not happen.

I just wanted to share this because it has been a little part of this journey and as I wrote before I want to share and remember each and every step.

A New Journey

This week marks the first week of a new journey in our family. A journey toward hopefully becoming a "party of five!"

What brought us to this place?

I have always felt that we would have more children after Katie and Noah. Neither of them were "planned" pregnancies, though we wouldn't change anything about that now... I just feel like our family is incomplete. We never had the opportunity to make the choice and plan for our babies... I want that.

I want to be excited about finding out. Not that we weren't excited about Katie and/or Noah..eventually. ha! But, to be anticipating and planning...

We have both prayed over this decision. I felt very strongly that it was supposed to happen. Several hormonal options had greatly disagreed with me. It was completely messing up several aspects of our marriage! lol. I just felt like we were being turned away from one prevention method after another.

One night at church I was sitting in a women's Bible study. It was time to take my pill and I was feeling so sick and having headaches from it. I wanted to ignore my reminder about taking it because it made me so miserable. I also wanted to get pregnant but Corey was not in agreement with me yet. I could never be one of those people who tricked their husbands about it...so... anyway...

I got up and went out and took it and was just silently praying in my head about the entire situation.
When I came back in, we finished class and the leader started the dismissal prayer.
One of the things she said during her prayer was what I knew was a message from God to me.
It was..."Lord,...we are placing ALL of our eggs in your basket...because we KNOW that is the safest place they could ever be......."

I know that probably sounds like a crazy person talking...but when she said those words I jerked my head up because it may as well have been God sitting there talking directly to me. As vague as it could have been construed, when God is talking to you..you just KNOW.

That night I knew I had to do something differently.

Long story short....we made the first step which was looking at insurance options. At the time our insurance was very iffy.... $5000 in deductibles then we would be responsible for 20% after that...which could come out to be who knows how much?! I was heartbroken because it would be so expensive and we aren't rich by any means.
We had looked for insurance before without much luck but this time, after one phone call with an insurance agent, we had found insurance that covered pregnancy. $3000 in deductibles then 100% coverage!

AND NO WAITING PERIOD which is completely unheard of!

Well....we made it through the transition month to that insurance back in July and have since just been waiting on good timing....and for Corey to be at peace :)
Through much prayer and discussion together, we feel that the time is now right.

And wow....if nothing else.. we feel like Katie and Noah would both benefit tremendously from the experience of having a baby around the house. I know Katie would mother and love the baby to pieces, and Noah would be right on top of taking care and watching out for him/her.

For now, we are just waiting to see what happens. I am truly at peace no matter how it goes...even just not stressing about the prevention of it is a huge burden off the two of us. I had no idea how much energy and stress were devoted solely toward that purpose until it has been lifted!

Why start this blog today?

I have started this blog today because I want to keep track of the entire journey. From week one.

I am not showing this blog on my profile or publishing it on any of the blogger sites. For now, it will only be for me and maybe a few select friends. And, if God does bless us and the timing is right, then I want to record every feeling and event...the good, the bad, and the ugly! ha ha! So, if you are reading this blog, be prepared! I will be sharing it ALL!