I have not been myself of late. I have been sleeping...A LOT but then staying up at night super late which is a hopeless cycle. I have been eating...and eating...and eating!!!! And then getting sick sick sick from all the eating eating eating!
I have not wanted to do school work with the kids...its a major chore. I have not wanted to clean stuff out, or exercise, or cook...or bake...or anything. I am just sad.
It comes and goes. I do enjoy things...but I just have not been enthusiastic. Last night I had a horrible crying fit set off by the fact that I couldn't go to a concert that I would really love to go to because it is mostly sold out and too expensive anyway. Little things cause me great excitement or great sadness....instantly and extremely. It made me realize that I have been feeling that way for a while now.
I have done some research and decided that I am suffering from slight post-partum, post-miscarriage depression. Nothing extreme...just enough to cause me to be very non-productive with a tendency to cry a lot.
What am I going to do about it?
Well...I also researched that. I am going to get on a better daily sleeping and eating schedule..and eliminate sugar from my diet for the time being. Sugar aggravates depressive moods. It also makes me want to eat a lot more! ha ha!
I am also going to start taking St. John's Wort. For the time being...it could help because it is a very commonly used natural herb for depression.
I am also going to start exercising again. This is another commonly successful treatment and something I need to do anyway.
I am sure that this could all be just due to crazy whacked out hormones, but I am going to treat it seriously because I think being proactive about it will help me feel more in control as well.
Discipline and self-control. Two things I have always lacked in most areas of my life, especially in diet and exercise.
I also have to be more disciplined with my daily quiet/Bible/prayer time. Another thing I just haven't been motivated to do....I have just basically been getting us fed, and sitting around doing enough school work to get by and sleeping. Washing clothes when we need them... and hanging out. The really cold weather and wet/snowy outdoors hasn't helped either. We gotta get out in the sun when we can.
So there you go. I didn't write this to worry anyone. TRULY, I am fine and I am going to be fine. We have been through sad times before, and hormonally stressful times (ie: a newborn and a 20 month old, lactating for about 2 1/2 years straight!) and have come out just fine... and I will again....it is just going to take time and discipline.
