September 11, 2010
I got up feeling different today. Some symptoms were completely gone, while others had appeared in its place.
I came the very closest to actually throwing up that I have so far.
Still trying to remain hopeful. I will be relieved when we can get our paperwork all sorted out and I can go to the doctor. It will be time by then to be able to see something. I truly hope we see something this time around!!!!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
THANK YOU LORD! 9/8/10
September 8, 2010
The insurance situation is WORKED OUT above and beyond in our favor and I am thankful thankful THANKFUL!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!
The insurance situation is WORKED OUT above and beyond in our favor and I am thankful thankful THANKFUL!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Oh, wow. 9/7/10
September 7, 2010
I am feeling....very sick.
I have had feelings of nausea. When I would start getting hungry. Then it would go away.
Then it started to be indigestion after dinner.
Yesterday and today I have been feeling immediately worse after eating, and having bad indigestion regardless of the type of food.
And now.... tonight. It is even worse. I feel very near to throwing up.
On the plus side: This is encouraging me that this could be a healthy pregnancy.
On the downside: IT STINKS TO FEEL SICK! AGH! ha ha ha!
Thank you Lord, for this baby. Thank you Lord, for assurance of its health via sickness. Thank you Lord, for stuff that will hopefully make me feel better when and if I figure out what that is!
I am feeling....very sick.
I have had feelings of nausea. When I would start getting hungry. Then it would go away.
Then it started to be indigestion after dinner.
Yesterday and today I have been feeling immediately worse after eating, and having bad indigestion regardless of the type of food.
And now.... tonight. It is even worse. I feel very near to throwing up.
On the plus side: This is encouraging me that this could be a healthy pregnancy.
On the downside: IT STINKS TO FEEL SICK! AGH! ha ha ha!
Thank you Lord, for this baby. Thank you Lord, for assurance of its health via sickness. Thank you Lord, for stuff that will hopefully make me feel better when and if I figure out what that is!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Hope 9/5/10
September 5th, 2010
Here we are with that word again. A got a message on facebook today from my neighbor, who is a Bradley instructor. She said that she was contacted by someone who is due in April, and combined with me she will be definitely starting a course of Bradley classes about the time that would be perfect for us to participate! Taking Bradley classes, and preparing for a natural childbirth is something I really wanted to do something this time around. I was hoping it would be convenient with her class schedule.
It looks like this might be working out well this time around. I am feeling great, other than the slight cramping, no other worrisome symptoms. I know it has only been a few days, but every single day that goes by with nothing bad happening, is amazing to me. It's crazy how the experiences I've had has completely and totally changed my outlook on pregnancy. I never worried about my pregnancy with Katie and Noah...not the ultrasounds, nothing.
I truly know where my strength comes from. Since I know the joy and pain from both possible outcomes, I know I will survive and be okay regardless. But I can't help becoming more, and more, and more hopeful every day.
I keep having bad dreams when I sleep. I dream that I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and start miscarrying. I dream that I am at the doctor getting bad test results. They aren't waking me up or anything, but it is GREAT to wake up and realize that it was just a bad dream.
Another symptom that I guess must be pregnancy related: I have been an early bird the past few mornings. Waking up at 6am, not able to go back to sleep. I gave up this morning, and when I woke up just went ahead and got up. I guess I should just be up and productive rather than lying in the bed being miserable at trying to go back to sleep.
That's my daily update. I guess I will check in again after a few days.
Here we are with that word again. A got a message on facebook today from my neighbor, who is a Bradley instructor. She said that she was contacted by someone who is due in April, and combined with me she will be definitely starting a course of Bradley classes about the time that would be perfect for us to participate! Taking Bradley classes, and preparing for a natural childbirth is something I really wanted to do something this time around. I was hoping it would be convenient with her class schedule.
It looks like this might be working out well this time around. I am feeling great, other than the slight cramping, no other worrisome symptoms. I know it has only been a few days, but every single day that goes by with nothing bad happening, is amazing to me. It's crazy how the experiences I've had has completely and totally changed my outlook on pregnancy. I never worried about my pregnancy with Katie and Noah...not the ultrasounds, nothing.
I truly know where my strength comes from. Since I know the joy and pain from both possible outcomes, I know I will survive and be okay regardless. But I can't help becoming more, and more, and more hopeful every day.
I keep having bad dreams when I sleep. I dream that I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and start miscarrying. I dream that I am at the doctor getting bad test results. They aren't waking me up or anything, but it is GREAT to wake up and realize that it was just a bad dream.
Another symptom that I guess must be pregnancy related: I have been an early bird the past few mornings. Waking up at 6am, not able to go back to sleep. I gave up this morning, and when I woke up just went ahead and got up. I guess I should just be up and productive rather than lying in the bed being miserable at trying to go back to sleep.
That's my daily update. I guess I will check in again after a few days.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Positive 9/4/10
September 4th, 2010
I don't know when I will post this, but I do want to go ahead and get my thoughts out there.
September 1, I got a positive on a home pregnancy test. The reason I took the test was because I was cramping and wanted to take my fav. pain reliever: Aleve! Well, you can't take Aleve when you are pregnant, so I wanted to go ahead and take a test so I could take some medicine.
Lo and behold..it was positive. A very faint positive.
The next morning I took another one. Again: positive.
We canceled my insurance with Kaiser to be effective this month. Wouldn't you know?
I knew Corey would be extremely stressed out because of it, so I didn't tell him right away. He had also had a stressful few days at work as well.
I was feeling.....weird. Not stressed. Not sick. Just extremely tired, crampy, and weird because I was feeling weird. I can't explain it.
The due date would be May 11th, Corey's birthday.
I finally told him yesterday. On the phone while he was at work. He was stressed at first, like I figured he would be, but after talking a while we both seemed a little better off. I cried while I was talking to him, I think because I had not let myself really react yet.
My immediate feelings were, "Well, we'll see."
I know God has seen me to this point, and through this point, and He will continue to see me through. I am hopeful.
I feel fine, just tired. The cramps come and go, but there have been no symptoms like I had before when I was at this point. Other than that though, I actually have less pregnancy symptoms than I had the other times. I am getting some indigestion easily. But really the main symptom is complete exhaustion...wanting to sleep 2-3 times during the day.
We told our mothers, and a few close friends. We will wait a while to tell anyone else.
Friday night I took another test. This time I stopped at Walmart and picked up one of the digital "yes or no" tests. I had never used one of them. I was always squinting and comparing and looking for the second pink line.
It takes a little longer for the digital answer to show,but when it did, my heart skipped a beat. There is nothing like a clear "Yes+" showing up to give you a real boost of happiness/hope/trepidation/fear/excitement.
I don't plan on going to the doctor at least until I've made it through next month. I have also contacted Gordon Hospital to see if they offer discounts to prepay cash patient. Pray for us on that aspect. From what I've read, it can actually cost about the same to be a cash patient or an insurance patient, barring no complications.
So many things to consider. Right now, I am trying to not make too many plans, but it is hard. I am still in disbelief, but trying to hope and believe.
I don't know when I will post this, but I do want to go ahead and get my thoughts out there.
September 1, I got a positive on a home pregnancy test. The reason I took the test was because I was cramping and wanted to take my fav. pain reliever: Aleve! Well, you can't take Aleve when you are pregnant, so I wanted to go ahead and take a test so I could take some medicine.
Lo and behold..it was positive. A very faint positive.
The next morning I took another one. Again: positive.
We canceled my insurance with Kaiser to be effective this month. Wouldn't you know?
I knew Corey would be extremely stressed out because of it, so I didn't tell him right away. He had also had a stressful few days at work as well.
I was feeling.....weird. Not stressed. Not sick. Just extremely tired, crampy, and weird because I was feeling weird. I can't explain it.
The due date would be May 11th, Corey's birthday.
I finally told him yesterday. On the phone while he was at work. He was stressed at first, like I figured he would be, but after talking a while we both seemed a little better off. I cried while I was talking to him, I think because I had not let myself really react yet.
My immediate feelings were, "Well, we'll see."
I know God has seen me to this point, and through this point, and He will continue to see me through. I am hopeful.
I feel fine, just tired. The cramps come and go, but there have been no symptoms like I had before when I was at this point. Other than that though, I actually have less pregnancy symptoms than I had the other times. I am getting some indigestion easily. But really the main symptom is complete exhaustion...wanting to sleep 2-3 times during the day.
We told our mothers, and a few close friends. We will wait a while to tell anyone else.
Friday night I took another test. This time I stopped at Walmart and picked up one of the digital "yes or no" tests. I had never used one of them. I was always squinting and comparing and looking for the second pink line.
It takes a little longer for the digital answer to show,but when it did, my heart skipped a beat. There is nothing like a clear "Yes+" showing up to give you a real boost of happiness/hope/trepidation/fear/excitement.
I don't plan on going to the doctor at least until I've made it through next month. I have also contacted Gordon Hospital to see if they offer discounts to prepay cash patient. Pray for us on that aspect. From what I've read, it can actually cost about the same to be a cash patient or an insurance patient, barring no complications.
So many things to consider. Right now, I am trying to not make too many plans, but it is hard. I am still in disbelief, but trying to hope and believe.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Then Sings My Soul
This week would have been the due date for our first miscarried baby. August 18, 2010. This is my song for the week. Though I faced unspeakable loss and sadness, He came to my rescue and brought me to where He was. It was worth it all and always will be.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
My Thirties
I think in the back of my mind, or way down in the bottom of my heart really...I've been holding onto the fact that we would have another baby before I turned 30.
And... that would have had to happen this past month....July.
And.... it didn't.
So today has been a difficult day for me. I had been so happy the past weeks. So healthy... feeling great. I couldn't even make myself be sad about the babies that never were meant to be. And I told myself I was "over it."
Yet, I live to learn another lesson. I didn't want to think I was still holding on to that "30" mark. I guess I was, and it seems God still has more for me to learn.
In about a week and a half we are going on a family trip to Chicago. I gave Corey tickets to the Braves (our local team) vs. the Cubs for his 30th birthday. It was going to be a trip for just the two of us, during the week our first miscarried baby was due. We decided a while back to take the kids too and Corey would take Noah to the game instead (a wise choice! :), and I am truly looking forward to it.
I have tried to look on the positive side of things today. I did pray...in EARNEST...that God would not allow me to get pregnant again if it wasn't going to be a healthy pregnancy... that He would please spare me the roller coaster and physical toll. I am very grateful for that. I truly and really and honestly and am thankful for that.
And, He has strengthened my own faith in the fact that we gave it 100% and totally to Him... and He is faithful.
And so time goes on. April 28th, 2011, my 30th birthday...will pass with no baby in my arms. But I'll survive. If I know anything from all this..I DO know that!
And... that would have had to happen this past month....July.
And.... it didn't.
So today has been a difficult day for me. I had been so happy the past weeks. So healthy... feeling great. I couldn't even make myself be sad about the babies that never were meant to be. And I told myself I was "over it."
Yet, I live to learn another lesson. I didn't want to think I was still holding on to that "30" mark. I guess I was, and it seems God still has more for me to learn.
In about a week and a half we are going on a family trip to Chicago. I gave Corey tickets to the Braves (our local team) vs. the Cubs for his 30th birthday. It was going to be a trip for just the two of us, during the week our first miscarried baby was due. We decided a while back to take the kids too and Corey would take Noah to the game instead (a wise choice! :), and I am truly looking forward to it.
I have tried to look on the positive side of things today. I did pray...in EARNEST...that God would not allow me to get pregnant again if it wasn't going to be a healthy pregnancy... that He would please spare me the roller coaster and physical toll. I am very grateful for that. I truly and really and honestly and am thankful for that.
And, He has strengthened my own faith in the fact that we gave it 100% and totally to Him... and He is faithful.
And so time goes on. April 28th, 2011, my 30th birthday...will pass with no baby in my arms. But I'll survive. If I know anything from all this..I DO know that!
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